That tattoo won't get you a husband!

So one of my favourite blogs The News With Nipples often features posts about a woman called Sam Brett. She's a ummm columnist for the Sydney Morning Herald. And she's a few weetbix short of a breakfast. I was *introduced* to her via TNWN but I'd never read her columns.

This morning my beautiful sister (who loves to wind me up in the morning with email links like these) sent me THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE.

Apparently Sam Brett has a vlog (ugh aint that a gross word) called The S Word. Sigh. The logo is like glossy pink lips etc. Super pathetic.

Anyway her latest installment of The S Word asks the uber-important question (no doubt asked by countless tattooed women worldwide *SARCASM ATTACK*): Are Tattoos a weapon of mass seduction (bleugh) or a mass turnoff?

She interviews Kat Von D because you know she's the spokeswoman for tattooed women EVERYWHERE ya'll *much eye-rolling*.

And she talks about the most important thing women should think about when they get a tattoo - I'll paraphrase for you: Oh my God will my man like it? Will I still be able to get married and have one boy and one girl and have a white picket fence? Where's my lip gloss?

Because why would a woman get a tattoo if it wasn't to attract men? Why take the risk of getting a tattoo if some men won't want to date you?

Ultimately this video trainwreck ends with Karrine Steffans (don't ask who she is, you don't want to know, she has a book called Confessions of a Video Vixen) talking about other "visual non-permanent weapons of mass seduction".

She recommends:
"Hooker Boots" (I'm not lying)
Fishnets and corsets
Dressing up as a nurse or school girl (I'm really not lying)

She then says FUCKING SERIOUSLY I'M NOT LYING "This is why I have a husband".

My little one!

Had the worst day at work today. And then I got home and I saw my Oti and I was like "awww he's so cute!" Seriously how cute is he? He always makes me realise things aren't really THAT bad. I recommend everyone own a 15-year-old mini fox terrier. They're all kinds of awesome. Well Otis is anyway. I'm off to watch shit TV with him sitting on my lap fast asleep.

BTW - I took this photo in Tauranga. He looks so happy right? And the day before he'd been attacked by another dog and his leg had been ripped open. Because he's so old he had to have the stitches taken out without ANY drugs. He's such a brave little boy!

What in the shit?

Ok so I'm one of those losers who actually watches those shows where it's just "funny ads". I'm into ads. Funny ones. Clever ones etc.

So while Mr Boganette is having a Super Bowl party at work (he got told to bring American food and couldn't figure out what "American food" was - we thought pumpkin pie but we don't actually know what pumpkin pie is) I think about how once I finish work I'm going to watch some ads.

Because apparently Super Bowl has the best ads. So I go to the first website I find when I google "Super Bowl ads 2010".

And the first ad is a stupid piece of sexist trash that shits me so much it makes my beer taste bad.

It's an ad with Danica Patrick in it. And she's wearing a towel obviously because she's a professional and highly successful sportswoman. And she's getting a massage obviously because this is an ad for a fucking website. And the woman massaging her wants to be a "Go Daddy girl" obviously....and then fuck knows what happens and then the woman giving Danica Patrick a massage rips open her top to reveal a top that says "Go Daddy". And they zoom in on her breasts.

Fuck you.

Then there's some ad for a fucking car. Domain of the sexist neanderthal cavemen advertisers. At first I liked it because I thought Michael C Hall was doing the voice over. And then I realised what they were doing. I should have realised sooner because for fucks sake it's a car ad. And only men drive cars. If women drove they'd have to leave the kitchen and we can't have that. So this ad has a bunch of "whipped" men (yeah that old chestnut) talking about how "I will say yes when you want me to say yes. I will be quiet when you don't want to hear me say no" etc while they stare blankly at the screen. And then they say - to paraphrase - because I do all this stuff I will drive my big car because I'm a big man. MAN'S LAST STAND.

Seriously. I am not joking. I don't even know what to say seriously. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MARKET YOUR CAR THAT WAY YOU STUPID FUCKING MORONS?

I can't even watch the rest. Those fuckers have put me off my beer. I will get my revenge.

I watch ads even though you think because I have a vagina I shouldn't be watching them. STOP IT! Stop making ads that make me retch with their celebration of all things sexist.

UPDATE: But damn The Who aye? They're all kinds of gold. I'm glad the crowd seemed to be getting behind them. I was fucking disgusted by the way Pete was treated by supposed "child protection" lobby groups who don't know how to get their fucking facts straight. Stupid bastard pricks. Pete deserves a fucking apology. Either way shit they rocked out didn't they? I've seen them live you know *wink* yeah fuckin aye.

Don't touch my tattoo + Clutch and FNM

Big week next week. We're going to Auckland for Clutch on Wednesday and FNM on Thursday. Mr Boganette is going to Trivium (Booooaaat Ruudddder!) instead of Clutch so I'm taking my lil bro to Clutch. We're also gonna try and go to Rainbow's End on Wednesday because they have a new ride yay!

I'm going to do my best to meet Clutch. It's at the Kings Arms so I'm guessing it shouldn't be too hard. Not sure whether to tell Neil that I interviewed him. During our interview I think he thought I was a fan posing as a journalist. It wasn't my finest hour. Saying "By the way I think you're the most awesomest ever person *giggle* Clutch are like amazicle" isn't very professional.

AC/DC was everything I wanted and more. Can't put into words how great it was. Here's a shot of Angus' bum during The Jack.



I was kinda drunk when I left the house on Saturday for the second concert and I didn't put my black jeans on and instead left the house in a tiny black sundress that I only wear at home because it's so short. I then put on my boots (rock boots - flat, tough and knee-high - classy). I'm amazed none of the boys said anything when I left the house dressed like that.

It's amazing the responses you get when you wear that kind of shit out. I'm a band tee-shirts and jeans kinda girl. Black jeans. Studded belt etc. And it was kinda weird getting wolf-whistled at.

I can handle the wolf-whistles. But a guy at the pub pulled the back of my dress down and went HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS CHICK'S TATT. I pulled away from it and he pushed closer to me. I got quite flustered and pushed him away and he said "Oh we've got a fiesty one!". I was so kinda shocked that I just stared at him. He went to touch my back again and I said "get your fucking hands off me" in a reasonably calm voice. He put on this hurt face and said something along the lines of "jeez I just wanted to look at it - don't show it off if you don't want people looking at it".

And I was like - in my head - fucking seriously? I'm inviting you to touch me by having a tattoo that's visible? He didn't want to "look" at it - he wanted to touch me without my permission.

Anyone with tatts knows that it's fine to start up a convo about someone's tatt with them. You say "wow that's really cool" and start talking about it. Simple. I love talking about my tatts and I'm flattered when people talk to me about my tatts.

It's not OK to grab me and yell at the top of your lungs about my tatts and treat me like I'm not even a person.

Get fucked knuckle-dragger. You're lucky I was unable to move from my chair because my legs were on fire from moshing for two days. Otherwise I would have kicked your genetic mistake ass.

A conundrum

So umm...I really love the lyric to this one song that I heard accidentally a long time ago. And I love the song intensely (and very secretly). But the song is an ermm...Christian song. Gah! Very Christian.

But ummm...one of the lyrics speaks to me so strongly that I want it as a tattoo. But I can't really....because it's a Christian song by a Christian artist. But it's funny because when I listen to the song I don't think of it as a Christian song AT ALL.

So is it all like 'the eye of the beholder' bullshit?

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh
And with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me.

That's the lyric. I like the first bit and would only get the first two lines. But then...it's all Christian-like. Does that matter? That she's singing something with her view but I take it with my own view?

But then everyone would be like "Where's that from then?" and I'd be all like....umm it's a Motorhead B-side....ish".

For those about to rock: WE SALUTE YOU!

I can't believe I'm going to be seeing my favourite band in the entire world tomorrow. I feel like I could cry! I'm finally going to see them live. I've waited my whole life for this. I was born a bogan and I've loved AC/DC forever. And I'm going to see them tomorrow! And again on Saturday.

It makes me light-headed. Tomorrow night will surely be the best night of my entire life.

Nine years

It's nine years today since my friend died at 16. She'd just turned 16 on January 7. I've kept in close contact with her father since then and on the 10 year anniversary my partner and I will go to Sydney to spend the day with him.

Isn't it strange how years don't really make sense when it comes to the anniversaries of people you loved? It doesn't seem like nine years. It seems like a hundred years. It seems like so long ago. And yet I know for some close to her it feels like it just happened yesterday.

When I reach personal milestones like when I graduated from university it felt really strange. I often wonder what she would have studied at university. Wonder if she would have gone to uni. Wonder if she would have gone on an OE. Wonder what career she would have had. Wonder if she would have met someone or had children.

She'll always be 16. But she will never be forgotten at least. Tonight my friends will come over and we will talk about her - even though they didn't know her. We'll listen to music that reminds me of her and think about her family and friends.

Every year for as long as I live we'll do that.

For Jess.

Back in Black

Just had three weeks off work! Oh yeaaah! Went to Big Day Out last week. It was pretty good. I only watched about three Muse songs before I ran off to see Head Like A Hole. They were sooo awesome. Played I'm On Fire and it was a wicked sing-a-long even if there weren't many people up there.

Kinda random though - Mr Boganette wanted to see this NZ metal band and I had nothing else to do so I went along. It was so hot in the stadium and I saw a security guy with a hose. So I started jumping up and down for his attention. It just so happened that every time he walked to my side of the stage the lead singer of said NZ metal band also walked across. So Mr NZ metal band guy thought I was their biggest fan. He singled me out and gave me a singlet with the band's name on it and "I want to see you choke" on the back. Stay classy NZ metal scene!

Next week is the big week. I'm so excited! AC/DC on Thursday and on Saturday. My dreams will come true!

Oh and I know the general rule is to ignore trolls - but I'm biting this time.
I am truly amazed I warrant this kind of attention when I write a fucking blog about bands I watch and tattoos I like. Who is that pathetic that they would bother trolling my blog? Jeez aim higher! If you need attention that bad I suggest you try Whale Oil or Cactus Kate's blog. They might actually engage with you - I won't. Because you're far too boring and your desperate need to get my attention is hilarious. Your comments won't ever be published. I won't be offended by your pathetic insults (calling me a whore? really? that's so unoriginal) so run along because I will always win and you will always be a loser.

I hope y'all had a wonderful Santa Day and New Years.

The Slammys

I'm finally watching The Slammys - a couple of weeks late - and so far, other than Jeri-Show winning Tag Team of the Year, it's fucking shit. I don't know who the fuck Dennis Miller is, but he's a dick. Obama jokes don't work anywhere let alone at a wrestling awards show. He's dying on stage. Which is good. It's what he deserves.

But hopefully Jeri-Show will win back the tag team title from DX. I'm fucking sick of DX. They bore me to tears with their endless dick jokes. They need to fight each other or just go away for a while.

Now I just found out - again AFTER every other wrestling fan in the world - that Bret Hart is going to host Raw. So now I have to watch again. I haven't seen Raw or Smackdown in ages. I even stopped getting pay-per-views. But I am excited about what they'll do with Bret. I'm hoping he won't wrestle. I don't think he can. But it'll be interesting to see how he interacts with HBK. I imagine they'll be a feud with Vince and DX. Bret better own those dicks (but without actually wrestling - I don't want him to have another stroke).

Back to the Slammys. How is Koslov still around? I thought he'd been fired for being so useless and overated. Mickie James better win Diva of the Year.

Happy Santa-and-Presents Day!

Merry Santa-and-Presents Day for yesterday. I've been working LOTS. And I'm super over it. But on the 29th I am sooo on holiday. It's gonna be badass! But these last few days of work have been eating at my soul. There's nothing worse than working over the 'holidays'. And I can't be hungover at work either because it's sooo slow over this period. And you end up just sitting there and watching the clock - while your head pounds.

Anyway enough complaining. I got a wicked Christmas haul. Mr Boganette got me a John Cena towel! Woop woop! And lots of other cool stuff but the John Cena towel is my new fave thing ever. He also got me a pink dress that's very low cut (sending me a message maybe? Less black more boobs?).

I might try to blog between now and getting nailed every single day until I get back to work on the 17th. I doubt I'll have anything to blog about other than OH MY JEBUS! AC/DC NEXT MONTH!! AC/DC!! AGHHHH! AC/DC!

Though I'm also stoked about Eagles of Death Metal supporting Faith No More in Feb. And of course Clutch the next night! Woooooo!

Ok I'm off now. Above is my beautiful tree and our little baby Oti (who has been very sick but is now doing much better yay!).